Kick the Poetry Can’ts #20
How to poems are a fun way to share your knowledge (if you are writing a “truthful” poem) or have some fun if you are playing with your imagination.
You can write a how-to-do-it poem about making a sandwich, dancing with your great Aunt Agatha, climbing a tremendous mountain, learning how to drive, or anything else you can dream up.
As usual, I start with a brainstorming list. Sometimes these poems stay as list and sometimes they morph into something else.
Here’s a first draft my “how to” poem.
HOW TO BE A GOOD DOG
Learn how to beg
it is the foundation for all future lessons.
Start with the poor pitiful me face
perfect droopy ears
sad eyes (bonus points if you can sigh)
and the art of balancing your head on your outstretched paws
in a way that makes them go “awwww.”
Race around the house like a maniac
when people you know come to visit.
Bark like a monster dog
when strangers knock on the door.
Teach your humans that you know the difference between the two.
(Note: some humans are harder to train than others.)
Learn how to ride in the car without getting sick.
Continually expand your vocabulary of cute noises.
Be willing to do embarrassing tricks
for stinky treats
to make your humans look good.
Practice being aloof
but remember to let them pet you
sometimes.
Ask to go outside
a lot.
Ask to go on walks
a lot.
Ask for treats
a lot.
They might think you’re being difficult
but really you’re giving them important
breaks in their busy day
helping them to relieve stress
and learn how to be in the moment.
They should thank you for this
but they probably won’t.
Don’t chase the birds.
Really, don’t chase the birds.
It only makes them mad
(the humans and the birds.)
Drink out of all the stinky water places
and then give wet kisses
which will gross them out and make them happy
all at the time time.
Don’t dig.
Ever.
I mean it.
For some reason they really have a problem with that.
At the end of the day
find your place in the room
you share with them
and fall fake asleep
with one eye still open
watching them
until you see their eyes close
until you hear them snore
until you know
for sure,
you’ve done a good day’s work
keeping the family safe.
Good dog.
–Susan Taylor Brown, all rights reserved
Your turn.
Original art by Susan Taylor Brown
I love this poem, Susan. Sounds just like my dog. Had my students write a how-to-be-a-good_____ poem. Fun!
Thank you, Tee.
HOW TO FALL GRACEFULLY
When falling backwards down stairs
Remember to grab hand rail expediently
Under no circumstances wear a skirt
Importantly make sure no one is watching
Unfortunately for me there was
If taking your first overseas holiday
At least try hard to leave airport safely
This means no falling behind reversing vehicles
Especially when very likely they won’t see you
Close call that one
On entry to store watch for material on tiles
So on exit you avoid flying out instead of walking
Much less painful that way cement is not soft
It is amazing how quickly said material is removed
Under fear of being sued
Need I go on, I think you now have the basic idea
Fall with dignity and grace to save your pride
I think that is always what hurts the most
One more thing try not to hit any objects
That is when it hurts more
Believe me, the master of falling
- Anne McKenna
oh this was a fun one, Anne. I could totally picture these scenes.
My favorite lines are:
Under no circumstances wear a skirt
Importantly make sure no one is watching
Unfortunately for me there was
Good job.
Thanks for stopping by Irene.
I’m such a tentative poet that lists make it all seem easy to me. When I’m working with reluctant writers, it’s a concept that is often easier for them to grasp but honestly, it’s usually about making it easier for me to write a poem first.
Hi Susan – I read/heard somewhere (and it has always stuck) that “Every poem is a list.” And when you think of it that way, talk about kicking the poetry can’ts! ANYONE can write a list. Thanks for sharing this dog poem!