Every night I give myself a sleep question. This last week it has all been focused around the changes going on in my life right now and how to make the next stage of my life into what I really want it to be. I usually ask, "What should I work on next?" and "How can I give myself the best chance of succeeding in my literary life?"
Last night I dreamt of my first agent. She was so excited that I had contacted her again. Very excited that I wanted to work with her again. She was amazingly enthusiastic.
For a moment I thought this was great! I knew I was dreaming. I knew I had asked sleep questions. I felt this was a good sign that I needed to get back to my writing as soon as possible.
But then I remembered.
That agent is dead. She can’t help me anymore. I have another agent, one who might not be as enthusasitac about me at the moment (because I haven’t given her much to work with) but a really great agent.
When I woke up I let myself just lay there a while and think about the dream. At first I was sad. I thought I had the "answer" only to have it disappear. I thought the dream was telling me that I wanted to go back and rebuild my writing career from the beginning (oh boy – sometimes I think that would be great) but that I couldn’t do that. I have often wondered what my career would have been like if I had started writing seriously in the last 10 years or so, after computers and the Internet and the surge in children’s publishing were all very real events. But I can’t undo the things that happened along my path. And I don’t really want to….I don’t think. 🙂
I think what the dream really means is that yes, this is a new chapter, a new beginning, in my writing life. I can shape it into anything I want it to be. And while it is wonderful to have enthusiastic supporters, it is most important to remember I am the one in charge.
I am strong enough to do it on my own.